Thursday 30 August 2012

Road - Transit blues

Before ...

It’s amazing how quickly human nature can change. I used to be a gentle, caring, kind, considerate, patient, polite, thoughtful, human being, then overnight I changed. Like the afterbite of a werewolf I’ve now developed a vicious streak. I’ve become very angry. I also detect the beginnings of a bloodlust – for revenge.

And the cause of this sudden change? Some dirty sneaky cowardly lowlife scumbag stole the wheel covers off the editorial Transit last night.
...... after!

Why? To sell on? To tart up their own van? Or was it a drunken prank? Whatever, I have now joined society’s grumpy generation of “hanging’s too good for them” moaning old gits.

There is absolutely no chance of ever finding out who did it, but if I ever did get my hands on them I would need to be physically restrained. The initial thought was to drill a hole through their tongue, hook it up to the tow rope and then drag them up a forestry road, through a thicket of gorse, then a bed of thistles followed by nettles before staking them out over an anthill. Then I had a better thought, make them eat the mother-in-law’s cooking for a week – two weeks really would be pushing it!

Really. I’m surprised at myself. We’re talking a set of plastic wheel trims at 65 quid (plus VAT!) and yet I’m just so full of murderous intent. Goodness knows how I would have felt had they nicked the van itself. I would probably have turned trigger happy.

And since the van was parked on my own property, I suppose it also has something to do with the invasion of privacy as well. And that dates back to prehistoric man – it’s my cave, keep out!

And just in case you were left in any doubt, I really am quite annoyed as well.

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