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| Before ... |
It’s amazing how quickly human nature can change. I used to
be a gentle, caring, kind, considerate, patient, polite, thoughtful, human
being, then overnight I changed. Like the afterbite of a werewolf I’ve now
developed a vicious streak. I’ve become very angry. I also detect the
beginnings of a bloodlust – for revenge.
And the cause of this sudden change? Some dirty sneaky
cowardly lowlife scumbag stole the wheel covers off the editorial Transit last night.
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| ...... after! |
Why? To sell on? To tart up their own van? Or was it a
drunken prank? Whatever, I have now joined society’s grumpy generation of
“hanging’s too good for them” moaning old gits.
There is absolutely no chance of ever finding out who did it,
but if I ever did get my hands on them I would need to be physically restrained.
The initial thought was to drill a hole through their tongue, hook it up to the
tow rope and then drag them up a forestry road, through a thicket of gorse,
then a bed of thistles followed by nettles before staking them out over an
anthill. Then I had a better thought, make them eat the mother-in-law’s cooking
for a week – two weeks really would be pushing it!
Really. I’m surprised at myself. We’re talking a set of
plastic wheel trims at 65 quid (plus VAT!) and yet I’m just so full of
murderous intent. Goodness knows how I would have felt had they nicked the van
itself. I would probably have turned trigger happy.
And since the van was parked on my own property, I suppose
it also has something to do with the invasion of privacy as well. And that
dates back to prehistoric man – it’s my cave, keep out!
And just in case you were left in any doubt, I really am
quite annoyed as well.
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