Quite a few folk poked a bit of gentle
fun at a certain bedraggled figure who walked out of the green hell (no, not
Nurburgring, just Forrest Estate) last Saturday afternoon following his earlier
unceremonious abandonment in a quarry mid stage - and then promptly forgot
about fetching him back to civilisation! It called to mind an old adage: 'Revenge
is a dish best served cold'.
And so, on Sunday morning, attracted by the sound of chanting
echoing eerily through the woodland, our lonesome journalising photographer type
personage chanced upon this gathering in a forest clearing and recorded this very
secretive and private ritual chant for wider publication. It is published in
full below. Honest, would I tell fib?
... The Marshals’ Prayer
To the omnipotent celestial Clerk of the Course, we make a
modest plea
That you keep all competitors safe, and officials
danger-free
Please guide the navs to stay on the maps, and drivers stick
to the road
May the cars be sound and reliable, and have no need to be
towed
Protect our friends and colleagues, those clad in orange of
dayglo brash
from flying rocks and errant rally cars, that off the road
might crash
Keep us all secure from elements, such as wind and rain and sleet
And suits and boots stay waterproof, to swathe our smelly dry
feet
And while protecting all creatures great and small there's
others you shouldn't bring
Make your midges vegetarian, and wasps and nettles lose
their sting
Please also change the food of moths, from woolly hats and
jaggy bunnets
instead of diet of fleece and tweed, offer tastes of dandruff,
lice and nits
We ask as well for privacy too and sufficient nearby cover, for
the inevitable call of nature
with plentiful tufts of grass to clean our butts, to replace
the lack of tissue
Please also keep our batteries charged, our torches full of
light and radios on standby
May our pens stay full of ink, our pencils sharp and pointed,
aye ready to comply
One final ask if we can but pray to keep from harm, those
young and old and grumpy
who stand on station in forest stage and tarmac road, and help
when things go 'bumpy'
We wish their clocks stay true and do not lose time, and those
others we must remember too
The docs and paramedics, all recovery and radio personnel,
who make up the emergency crew
May the Tunnock's be with you
... and the Irn Bru too
Amen
