'I've got a pal who hates fruit, but loves Apple. He's got an Apple Mac and an Apple Airbook. He's got an iPod and an iPhone. He's just got iPad2 (having originally purchased iPad1) having stood outside the store in Glasgow all night.
Naturally, he's collecting Apps. He's now got Apps that will do everything and he's boring me rigid. Honestly, he's worse than asking Ivor Clark if the Hillman Avenger is a good car - if you do raise the subject with Ivor, make sure you have sandwiches and something to sit on.
But according to my mate, the newspaper and the printed magazine will be dead in months, not years. He's got subscriptions to bleedin' everythin' from daily papers to the Sundays, from TV programmes to Radio 4, and he's boring me senseless.
I told him the newspaper will never die and he refutes that saying that his iPad2 can do anything a newspaper can and can do it faster and with added information.
I told him he was talking rubbish. Then he went on about links and extra information, Facebookers and Twitterers.
Rubbish I said.
He challenged me: "Go on name one thing a newspaper can do that I can't do with my iPad2."
So I told him: "You can swat a wasp with a rolled up newspaper."