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Morris having a coffee break. |
Right. If any of
you out there are on Facebook, you have to look at this. Morris Bear will be
competing on the ‘La Crofterra Pandemonia’ motoring extravaganza on the 1st and
2nd of September.
Organised by
Highland Car club this 450 mile event will lead crews through some of the most
spectacular scenery that the north west of Scotland has to offer, not to
mention some of the most unpredictable weather, while fending off the fiercest
midgies in the world and Highland coos which like to stand in the middle of the
road – usually around blind corners.
The only trouble
with Morris is that he’s too young to drive so he has had to enlist the help
(?) of Big Brian and Big Jim. Their chosen velocipede for this marathon tour is
a fully restored 1971 MGB.
There is another
problem. The car was built for two, not three. And there is an even bigger
problem. Fitting Big Brian and Big Jim into a two seater with bucket seats that
would cramp Posh Beck’s bum bones will be damn near impossible for these two.
Forget squeezing toothpaste back into a tube, this is going to look like two
overstuffed armchairs sharing a bicycle saddle.
A trial fitting
has already left Big Jim with a dent in his forehead after headbutting the top
of the windscreen while Brian’s belly against the steering wheel stops him
reaching the windscreen.
That means that
Morris is going to have to sit between and behind the two square-sausage
disposal units in the front while trying to navigate the MGB around the route.
Fortunately, it is not a ‘competitive’ event as such, the target is just to
finish with as few mechanical breakdowns as possible. And considering the
mechanical dexterity and engineering expertise of the aforementioned two-man
crew this achievement will rank higher than Mel Gibson’s ‘ authentic Scottish
accent winning an Oscar for his portrayal of a certain William Wallace.
Morris is also
having to work on a system of navigational directions to help. With Brian and
Jim’s inability to distinguish Left from Right, he will use ‘Your way’ and ‘My
Way’ calls, with a back-up system comprising a slap on the driver’s head to go
right and a slap on the passenger’s to go left.
The whole point
of this bearfaced adventure is to raise money for cancer charities, and those
who sign up to Morris Bear’s Facebook page will get the opportunity to sponsor
his trip.
In the run up to
this momentous occasion, Morris is preparing himself by getting driving tips
from rally stars and navigating help from top co-drivers. Unfortunately he has
fallen in with a thoroughly disreputable crowd and is getting a reputation for
frequenting curry houses and pubs – and you can all follow Morris Bear’s
adventures by befriending him on Facebook at:
http://www.facebook.com/morris.bear.7
http://www.facebook.com/morris.bear.7
So who is Morris
Bear? In actual fact, he is the ‘black sheep’ of the porridge loving 3 Bears
family whom they turfed out of their cottage many years ago because he was too
big for the chairs and moaned about the beds. He then fled north to a more
welcoming and hospitable domain where he was adopted by Coltness Car Club –
whose members are known throughout
Scottish motor sport as ‘The Bears’.
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