Blethers - Staying out of Europe

Sitting here in Glasgow airport with a capuccino and chewing what passes for a French raisin pastry here in Scotland, I have just realised why France is so determined that we join them in Europe and why our Government is so keen to keep us out. The French have got our aircraft carriers and our illegal immigrants (many of whom are still waiting their turn to cling on to a northbund train!) but they are desperate to get their hands on our pastry recipes.

For years they have tried to master this dark art and failed miserably, instead they have to endure and suffer their own melt-in-the-mouth, light, delicate, flavoursome, pastry concoctions as made and sold in thousands of civilised little patisseries across France.

They can only look on in amazement and deep envy at us Brits as we masticate our way endlessly through the lump of spiralled, chewy dough with the consistency, taste and flavour of a pre-war mattress and marvel that we pay only £1.75 for the privilege.

Sadly, I have to eat here, cos it's even more expensive on the Easyjet flight!

Ahead lies two days of driving Volkswagen 4x4 vehicles in the mountains of Spain, but forget Touaregs and Passats, this will be 4WD versions of Crafter and Transporter vans. And people still think this is a glamorous job. Still, the overnight stop at a beach club sounds promising!