A 'Grand' day out

Jaggy & Rudolph

Trouble in the Grotto ... Apparently my auld pal Jaggy was chucked out of Santa's Grotto the other day. He had been invited to take Grandbaby Bunnet for his first ever visit to see Santa at the local garden centre.

On arrival, the chief Elf bouncer stopped the big lad from getting in as the foul reek from his pipe was wilting the greenery, so the toddler had to go in on his own while the auld git made friends with Rudolph outside. Bad move.

With no restraining influence the youngster pulled off Santa's beard and poked him in the eye with a chocolate finger. Mayhem descended.

Unfortunately Jaggy couldn't run to Santa's aid as he suffers from a long term affliction. The Grotto was a wooden three cornered shed decorated with moss, pine branches and tinsel but it had a very dark interior and this is what thwarted Jaggy's life saving intentions. He himself had suffered a scary encounter with another Santa in another Grotto a long, long time ago and ever since then has had to endure a fear of dark enclosed spaces and bright red suited elderly gents - it's called Santa Claustrophobia.

By this time, the sacks were emptied, the presents scattered and Santa was cowped on his *rs* with the wean running riot and the Elf was trying to shoo Bunnet junior out of the Grotto.

With the Elf's attention diverted, Jaggy himself meanwhile was feeding Rudolph with carrots dipped in curry sauce. Another bad move. Ten minutes later the garden centre looked like a slurry spreader had passed through - and that wasn't ice that was dripping from the rafters.

Junior wasn't finished either. He had enough of the Elf pulling and pushing and 'accidentally' tripped him up just as they were passing the christmas tree packing funnel. The Elf fell in, slid through and ended up gift wrapped in white netting with a red bow.

Jaggy was now free to catch the wee rascal, but since the wee chap recently found his feet, he has developed a fair turn of speed. By the time Jaggy got across to the exit, there were only two heel marks on the concrete and a puff of smoke where the wee chap's launch control had kicked in.

Jaggy just managed to get through the doors before the emergency alarms went off and the staff went into Lockdown mode. Thinking prudence was the better part of gallantry, he grabbed Junior, ran to the car and they made their getaway.

So if you come across an angry looking Santa with a black eye and a green Elf with red welts, best keep out of their way. They're not so full of the Christmas spirit any more!

So on behalf of Jaggy, Grandbaby Bunnet and myself - and Rudolph - may I wish you all a safe, healthy and very merry Christmas.