He packed his bags and sporran to head north on the Christmas train
with a hamper of sustaining porridge sandwiches. This is an annual trip
at this time of year as he visits his close relatives in Lapland. As the
wrongly, and quite unfairly, alleged Black Sheep of the family he has
to travel incognito. However, such is the power of his unique skillset,
he is obliged to help out the other ‘good’ members of the family who
emigrated to the far and frozen north many years back during ‘the
Highland Clearances’.
Back then the family had taken up the offer of employment with an
elderly bearded gentleman who favours bright clothes and a red toorie
bunnet. He was having trouble with his reindeer herd which is where the
Bunnet clan has proved most helpful and capable, especially Jaggy
himself. His inherent and uncanny abilities as a fully certified and
work experienced Haggis Herdsman qualifies him as one of the very few
people in the world today who can master an unruly sleigh pulling team
of reindeer.
As these animals only get hitched to the sack carrying transport
once a year they can prove quite obstinate and unruly. It therefore
takes particular skills and the expression of ancient celtic sweary
words to provide the necessary motivation. On the other hand, the
somewhat worrying aroma of venison stew wafted under their nostrils can
provide additional encouragement to persuade these proud and regal
beasts to return to harness and team work.
As most of us will ken, shepherding a flock of wild haggis is akin
to fechtin’ a horned and angry Highland bull with a feather duster, so
getting the reindeer hitched up to work and pull together is a doddle
after that.
So in his absence and on his behalf may I wish all those who read
this regular source of drivel a Merry Christmas and a very safe,
successful and guid New Year to all of you and your families.
Wishing you and your family a joyous holiday season filled with peace, love, and joy! Job market challenges Season's Greetings!
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