Tuesday, 20 November 2018

Rally - Rituals in the Forest


Quite a few folk poked a bit of gentle fun at a certain bedraggled figure who walked out of the green hell (no, not Nurburgring, just Forrest Estate) last Saturday afternoon following his earlier unceremonious abandonment in a quarry mid stage - and then promptly forgot about fetching him back to civilisation! It called to mind an old adage: 'Revenge is a dish best served cold'.

And so, on Sunday morning, attracted by the sound of chanting echoing eerily through the woodland, our lonesome journalising photographer type personage chanced upon this gathering in a forest clearing and recorded this very secretive and private ritual chant for wider publication. It is published in full below. Honest, would I tell fib?

... The Marshals’ Prayer

To the omnipotent celestial Clerk of the Course, we make a modest plea
That you keep all competitors safe, and officials danger-free
Please guide the navs to stay on the maps, and drivers stick to the road
May the cars be sound and reliable, and have no need to be towed

Protect our friends and colleagues, those clad in orange of dayglo brash
from flying rocks and errant rally cars, that off the road might crash
Keep us all secure from elements, such as wind and rain and sleet
And suits and boots stay waterproof, to swathe our smelly dry feet

And while protecting all creatures great and small there's others you shouldn't bring
Make your midges vegetarian, and wasps and nettles lose their sting
Please also change the food of moths, from woolly hats and jaggy bunnets
instead of diet of fleece and tweed, offer tastes of dandruff, lice and nits

We ask as well for privacy too and sufficient nearby cover, for the inevitable call of nature
with plentiful tufts of grass to clean our butts, to replace the lack of tissue
Please also keep our batteries charged, our torches full of light and radios on standby
May our pens stay full of ink, our pencils sharp and pointed, aye ready to comply

One final ask if we can but pray to keep from harm, those young and old and grumpy
who stand on station in forest stage and tarmac road, and help when things go 'bumpy'
We wish their clocks stay true and do not lose time, and those others we must remember too
The docs and paramedics, all recovery and radio personnel, who make up the emergency crew

May the Tunnock's be with you
... and the Irn Bru too

Amen

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