The Christmas Greet --- ings
With Yewtree behind him and now out on parole
Honour restored and back on the dole
Santa’s now ready for his one job per year
The vet’s been in too and the reindeer are clear
They’re all ready to go this Christmas eve night
Rain, hail or snow they’re prepared for this flight
The elves have completed their toy making strains
And packing the presents for excited wee weans
The sleigh is being loaded right up to its max
With sweeties and presents all filling the sacks
But jings, crivvens and help ma boab
The H&S polis are out on the joab
They’re weighing the sleigh which is full to the brim
And shaking their heids and looking quite grim
They’re now telling Santa that he cannae fly
The sleigh’s overweight and penalties apply
Santa then sought the MSA scales
(The wans that were wrecked on their visit to Wales)
And using these most unreliable of tools
He managed to hoodwink the H&S fools
But advice was given that he’ll have to embrace
Next year he will need something else in its place
He’ll need a man wi’ a van ...
... and I’ve got the very wan!
Merry Christmas everyone and a safe, happy and successful
New Year tae yin an’a’
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