Caller: Hi there, I’m an aide from the White House
JB: Oh right, but why is a toilet cleaner phoning me?
Caller: No buddy, I said the WHITE House.
JB: What do you want to talk to me about Mr White?
Caller: No, No, my name is Jared, I just work in the White House.
JB: Oh right, got you now, that’s the pub in Holytown.
Caller: No, No, this THE White House, in the Yoonited States of America.
JB: Oh get away wi’ you, yer pullin’ ma leg.
Caller: No, No, this is a matter of greatest international importance.
JB: OK, fire away.
Caller: Me and my colleagues here in the White House think you should present one of your awards to our President.
JB: Whit?
Caller: We have heard that your awards are the bigliest in the world of rallying.
JB: Naw, stoapped that a while back.
Caller: Well we think you should start again and your first presentation should be to Mr Donald J Trump.
JB: Why? Whit’s he done noo?
Caller: He’s saving Greenland from the Russkies and he has collected more awards and more medals from more countries and more individuals than anyone else in the world but his collection still lacks a ‘Jaggy Bunnet Flying Brick’.
JB: That award was originally presented to aspiring and talented youngsters.
Caller: Exactly, our revered President was once an aspiring and talented youngster and such an award as yours would just complete the adoration of our leader.
JB: Naw, naw, naw, yer havin’ me oan.
Caller: No, I mean this mostest sincereliest.
JB: But I’d have to find another brick and buy twa cans of spray paint undercoat and gloss gold from Halfords. That’s quite a costly undertaking and it would be awfy heavy to post it out to you.
Caller: We understand that your genyooine gold bricks are indeed too heavy to post but we could send Air Force One to Prestwick and meet you there.
JB: I’d need to OK this with Mr Swinney and Mr Starmer.
Caller: Who?
JB: They’re the guys who run the Dis-United Kingdom.
Caller: Don’t you worry about them, we don’t.
JB: What do I get in return?
Caller: You get the personal satisfaction and glory of presenting an award to the greatliest leader in the world.
JB: Not even a free ticket for Disneyland?
Caller: Sorry, no, Mickey Mouse is too busy running the White House for our most Presidentialist leader!
( Reader’s Note: If ye dinnae ken whit a ‘Jaggy Bunnet Flying Brick’ is, ask yer Da! )